pakalolo

Pickup Lines
(I didn't write any of these myself, I found them on the internet (don't ask why i'm looking for pickup lines on the internet, it's already been established that i'm a huge loser))

1- You must be John C. Calhoun cause you're making my south rise again.
2- If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be named McGorgeous. (what girl could resist a pickup line like that?)
3- Guy: Did you just fart? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because you just blew me away.
4- Your name must be Lucky Charms, cause you're magically delicious.
5- You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. (I'm sure whoever thought this one up is one irresistibly seductive stud muffin)
6- My love for you is like diarrhea; I can't hold it in.
7- Hey c'mon now, I'm ugly, you're ugly, it's perfect.
8- Is your name Pepsi? Because you sure are sizzling. (does that make any sense? no, i thought not.)
9- You're looking sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde witticisms that has been rolled up into a point, sprinkled with lemon juice and jabbed into someone's eye. (swoon)
10- Your perfume smells like Jesus. (after how many days on the cross?)
11- (Look down at crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
12- How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertile?
13- Is that an upward sloping marginal demand curve in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (holler)



Also: New Pictures

And Also: Sheer Brilliance (courtesy of laura, katie, vodka, almodovar, princes, timewarps, biting, and little girls)

We have these friends and this woman teaches this class so 6they go to paris every year and they were grape pickers in the grape vines of France BOFFFFFFFFF BOFFFFFFFFF my mom can’t speak French the fermer for the diner yeah anyway then my mom in the wrong way oh BOFFFFFFF it’s really weird oh bofff

When my mom went to japan she was really pregnant. Just me. Gift giving in japan is a big deal when my dad was in japan they bowed a lot with business cards and he was like arrrghhhdid you just spray it in her eye. Breassttesses quand javais huite pfffffffffffffffffff. Pffffffffff. Yeah you know what fuck you and fuck the apostrophe too. (that is pronounced APO-ST-RO-FF because it is FRAAINCHE!)

So when I was like four or maybe like five I like had sex with girls. Did you guys like have sex with girls??? YES!!!!! We did!!! Hahahahaha like oeffffffffffff like vitement oefuffffff le tgf quand j’avais huite like oeffffffffff. Did you guys like do it with like your clothes off??? NO NO!! Katie? Katie? Did you do with your clothes off? Um,mmm I don’t remember……..SHUT UP!!!!

The pregnant women at my gynecologists office totally thinking I’m getting LAID!!! Like totally! They think im sexually active like not just like when I avais HUIT

Whos a little bit tipsy???? Yo mama!!!!!!!!!!

That was so funny I can barely masturbate now ! –n kqatie

Whats eh writing? Yopu guys!!! Read to meeeeee. Hmmm katies is type whinies in da bed with no spooooooning. Quand elle avait huiiiiiiiiiiit elle a spoone avec beaucoup beacoup des garcons mais avec beaucoup plus de fillessssssssssssssss~!!! Whatcha ta;lking can we spoon again I should a singer writer I tyhink more vodka. BUSSSSSSSSTED KATIIIIIEEEEEEE

grrr hormones.

what i wouldn't give for early menopause...and some ice cream

but, in lieu of that, I will sit around and mope. and then exercise. and then mope.

argh. I'm like a depressed little old lady who names her 50 cats things like Mr. Perkins and has conversations with them about cat food, except without the multitude of cats or the creativity and with the wacked out hormones. see? i don't even make sense. bah.

grrrrr.

ha!

http://www.nationallampoon.com/nl/03_voices/flirting/flirting.asp